I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
