Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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