Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You left your phone here
Wait...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
