And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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