Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
