cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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