Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
