ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MIDGETS
????
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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