I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
