so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
how does that bad decision feel?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
