He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
