if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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