i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Less talking, more tequila
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
