just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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