Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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