we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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