sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
