Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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