i jhust puked up my retainher.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
