I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish you could order shots online.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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