I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
