I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize