eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
