He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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