spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
do nipples grow back?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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