I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
