The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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