Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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