I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize