I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
