You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
