it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
