so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
