we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You ruined the universe
Randomize
