am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
