Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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