return my video game
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
