I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
