Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
