ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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