That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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