Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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