i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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