Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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