oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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