Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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