I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
