dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
