Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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