it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
