would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
