Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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