bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
