I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
