I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she peed on how many people?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize