WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize