I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FUCK WHALES
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
