Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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