I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said her name was "party"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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