we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
