Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
love makes seman taste better
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
