There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
