did you get engaged???
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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