I hate your face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize