There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
