i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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