peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I just sharted jello shots
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