I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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