If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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