How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
