toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
