well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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