he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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