He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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