So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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